Falling Leaves

I sit and stare at the leaves falling
One by one by one
As if it’s some kind of metaphor
For the time we still have left
I feel a heaviness in my heart
When I start to think of you
If the last leaf will start to fall
Will our time together be up as well?

© KH

All Hallows’ Eve

As my writer's block continues I am looking for writing prompts and this one I found here

Dampness lingered in the midnight air. Nearby, an unidentifiable sound was pricking her nerves, repeating every few seconds. Her breath was catching in her throat as a long shadow cleaves through the light spilling from a street lamp just around the corner ahead of her. She considered turning back but he told her to wait for her here on Calton road. She didn’t like it much, the burial ground was dark and gloomy and she got shivers all over. Was this his idea of a fun date? She really didn’t want to wait long here and debated in her head whether or not to go back to the busier Royal Mile. The mist was thickening like it does in Scotland, rolling in from absolutely nowhere. It came rolling over the hills and she felt the cold dampness as the temperature was dropping. She looked at her watch; he was now half an hour late.

That’s it; she thought and started walking back toward the Royal Mile when suddenly a hand was touching her shoulder. She screamed and turned around.  He stood there with a big smile as if it was the most normal thing to do, scare a girl like that.

‘Are you insane?’ she gasped for breath.

‘Sorry’ he smiled sheepishly. ‘I couldn’t get out of work earlier and my phone died on me again’

‘Why on earth did you want to meet here of all places?’ she asked ‘it’s creeping me out!’

He laughed; ‘Yeah, well that probably wasn’t one of my finer ideas to be honest, but now were here why don’t we have a look around at the cemetery?’

She looked at him as if he’d gotten completely bonkers ‘How about no’ she said and started to walk away.

‘Oh come on, Elly, I’ve always wanted to see the cemetery on a night like this! It’s ideal with the mist and all!’

‘You do know it’s all Hallows’ Eve right?’

‘Is it? Yeah, I know that’s why! Look there are more people with the same idea see?’ he pointed at the cemetery where people dressed in all kinds of costumes were walking around.

‘I don’t know, Pete, I don’t like it much’

He pleaded with her just long enough for her to cave in; ‘Oh fine’ she sighed ‘But not long, just for a bit’

‘Sure I know how you feel about Halloween’

They walked up to the cemetery and opened the squeaky gate. Here on top of the hill the fog was even thicker than on the street. Chills were crawling up and down her spine. She knew she shouldn’t be here, walking here, but somehow no one seemed to have a problem with it as it became quite busy at one point.

‘Like it now Elly?’ Pete asked with a grin which in the dark looked creepy Elly thought.

‘Not much no’ Elly admitted but she kept on walking behind Pete.

She heard a noise behind her and looked back. A couple was giggling and kissing right here at the cemetery, when they saw her looking they giggled louder and walked away.

She turned back and couldn’t see Pete anywhere anymore.

‘Pete’ she called out ‘Pete where are you?’

She started to walk up the hill a bit further and the noises died down. It became very quiet all of a sudden. All she could here was the rustling of the autumn leaves and a bit further away some noises from the city. Pete was nowhere to be seen.

‘Pete’ she started to whisper ‘Pete where are you?’

Why had she agreed to come up here in the first place, she wondered. She hated All Hallows’ Eve and never understood the fun of scaring people or making fun of the dead.  

‘Pete, I’m done’ she said softly and she started to back away to go back down the hill and into the busy city again.
Suddenly she tripped over something and almost fell onto the ground. She grabbed hold of an old tombstone as not to fall down. The ‘object’ over which she tripped made a muffled sound, almost if it moaned or something like that.

It was so dark; she couldn’t see a thing here. What was it she had tripped over? Was that a shoe?
She put her hand over her mouth as not to scream. There was Pete on the ground with a knife in his chest. He was already in a significant pool of blood which was even scarier. This was serious! Or was it? He couldn’t have been stabbed in the time she lost sight of him, could he? That was only a few minutes and the amount of blood was so much! Was this his Halloween prank?

‘Pete I swear if this is your way of a joke…’ she started but there was the moan again. She looked at his eyes and he looked at her with panic in his eyes. Whoever did this was still here, she thought. She was too afraid to turn around and surely but slowly took out her phone and dialled 999.

‘Calm down Pete’ she talked into the phone ‘It will be all right, the ambulance will come and the police and they will save you, I’m sure of it’

‘Ma’am, can I help you? What’s your emergency?’ she heard the operator saying.

‘Who stabbed you, Pete? Do you know?’ she kept talking to Pete as if she wasn’t on the phone. ‘Why would anyone stab you? Especially on all Hallows’ Eve and on a cemetery? Pete, stay with me!’

‘Ma’am, where are you, the ambulance and police are on their way, is it you can’t talk because you suspect the stabber is still in the area?’

‘Yes!’ she said relieved that the operator understood ‘Good Pete stay with me’ She looked beside her and saw Pete was lying next to William Knox’ gravestone. If she could tell that the operator would know where they were.

‘Pete you just wanted to take a look at your favourite poet, William Knox! I’m sorry I didn’t find you earlier here, I should have known that!’

‘Are you at New Calton Burial Ground?’ the operator’s voice asked immediately.

‘Yes, that’s good, Pete’ she said to Pete who closed his eyes and to the operator.

‘Good they’re on their way, try to stay calm you’re doing great’ the operator said.

In the distance she could hear the sirens already. She looked up to the street to see if they were coming but then heard the rustling of the leaves even louder and looked up to see a shadow over the gravestone. She started to scream, backed away and hit her head at the gravestone and heard the operator’s voice in the distance. The lights of the police cars and ambulance which turned just around the corner were first bright then became blurry. And before she drifted away, she saw Pete standing over her with the knife in his hand, a red blood painted shirt on, grinning creepily, ready to stab her.

‘I so hate All Hallows’ Eve’ she whispered before she lost consciousness.

© KH

Self-doubt

For every spark of confidence 

There is a seed of doubt planted in my head
Where people say; you’re good
It says; you’re not good enough to be read
Some tell me I should publish my work
But doubt whispers in the dark corners of my mind
When I think I can accomplish things
It says in an evil tone; are you blind?
Surely you don’t think you can do this?
It laughs at me in my most insecure days
Gnawing away at my determination to become a writer
At my dream to set the world ablaze
It’s the story of my life
I know I shouldn’t listen to that insecure voice
I find it hard to ignore
And yet; I know I have no other choice


© KH

Gone mind

They think I’m mad, they all think I’m absolutely bonkers. I’m not you know; I do see him. Every day I do. He comes by and sits on the sofa and I ask him if he would like some coffee. When I turn around to make him some I talk to him and when I come back with his cup of coffee he has disappeared on me. My daughter came in the other day asking if I’ve had a visitor because she saw the coffee cup. How could I tell her it was his, her dad’s coffee? She wouldn’t understand and yell at me again. She does that a lot; yell at me.

If I forget to go to the bathroom before we go grocery shopping; she yells at me just right there in the middle of the street. It’s just so embarrassing. I would never do that to her and she knows it. The other day she told me she went to visit a nursing home for me to stay in. I told her I wasn’t planning on going to one any time soon. I like my house where I live now. My neighbourhood, my next door neighbour is asking me every Wednesday to come over to have a coffee, on two afternoons a week I go play cards with another neighbour. No, I won’t let her drag me off to some home. I’m not old yet. Besides, he wouldn’t know where to find me.

---

‘Hello darling are you back again? How was your day? I miss you when you’re gone. Where on earth are you going off to? Can’t you take me with you some day? Oh you would like a coffee, coming right up, promise you will stay right there, love’

‘Mum, who are you talking to?’

‘Oh hello dear, I was just making some coffee, would you like some too?’

‘Yes sure but who were you talking to?’

‘You know I always talk in myself, sweetheart’

‘Hm, I don’t know mum. Oh mum, look what a mess your closet is! We cleaned it up just two days ago’

‘Is it? Perhaps it’s because I couldn’t find my favourite sweater, you know the one I bought with your dad’

‘Oh mum, you know that one doesn’t fit you anymore. We threw it away together remember?’

‘Did we? Oh yes we did. Sorry dear, I will clean up the mess myself I promise’

‘Mum, I just spoke to your neighbour before coming in. She told me you told her I’m always yelling at you. That hurts mum, you know I don’t. Why do you say these things to people?’

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about. You know the neighbour, she’s a tattletale. Here is your coffee’

‘Mum why do you have three cups of coffee? Are you expecting company?’

‘Oh no silly me, I just made one too many. Oh well, I’ll just put it right here on the table’

‘Where dad used to sit… mum are you alright?’

‘I just miss him dear, that’s all’

See, she thinks I’m mad. I’m not, honest I’m not. But he is right there. Why can’t she see him? Why can I see him? He smiles at me and gives me a wink. Then he puts his finger on his mouth, blows me a kiss and poof he’s gone again. It’s so confusing.
I turn to my daughter; ‘How was your day dear?’ but she doesn’t buy it. She wants to know about the mess and the cup of coffee. About so many other things that are going wrong. She wants me to go with her to see a doctor. There’s nothing wrong with me, if I want to be with my husband why can’t I?

‘Mum, you do know dad is dead right?’ my daughter asks.

‘Of course I do’ I look over to where he just has reappeared. He is laughing about her question.

‘Stop it’ I laugh with him. I can’t help myself but my daughter glances over to the couch and her worried look tells me enough.

‘Darling, it’s okay’ I tell her ‘your dad comes to visit me from time to time. Let me enjoy it while it lasts’

‘Mum’ her eyes filling with tears ‘I’m afraid to lose you as well. I’m scared you have early dementia’

‘Oh no’ I shrug ‘don’t be silly’

My daughter is not one to give up easily. She picks up the phone and rings the doctor to make an appointment. My husband smiles reassuringly.

‘I’m afraid to lose you again’ I whisper.

‘Don’t worry’ he whispers back ‘we will find each other again, we always do’

He smiles, winks and poof is gone as soon as my daughter has finished her call.

‘Tomorrow is our appointment mum’ she says ‘I’ll come pick you up at 9pm. Here I’ll write it down for you’

And when I look at her I see a single tear rolling slowly down her cheek.

‘What’s the matter darling?’ I ask her ‘why are you sad?’

She takes my hand and smiles ‘Nothing mum. It’s going to be okay’

© KH

I find you in my dreams

I must have dreamt of you again

Like I did so many nights before

I felt your touch once more

And heard your voice speak but then

Woke up to realise you gone

I must have laughed out loud whilst sleeping

Remembering we had such fun

Thinking how much you can miss someone

Even if (or perhaps especially) time has been creeping

Or has it gone too fast?

I must have cried when I awoke

Wanting to find you in my dreams once more

Because the simple fact I can’t ignore

The last time that we spoke

Was last night in my dream

I must have stared at the ceiling  

Thinking of you and me in the dream for awhile

I just got to see you smile

It takes time for healing

But the death of a loved one will always leave a mark

© KH

Writer's block

It's been almost a year since I've updated this blog! I know it's been a long time! I've been writing on my other blog but not much either.
My head is so full of ... just stuff. I really want to write more again, normal things that is, not Johnlock fanfiction which I have been writing in between. (I know but it is a nice change )
So for now I will update with one of my latest poem and will try to write my short stories again.

Oblivion

Floating on a cloud

I see a quilt of meadows

With a ribbon of a river through it

Vast forests of green 

Blue eyes of lakes

Mountains rising and falling

Thickening mist at their top

The breathing of the sea

Rolling on sandy beaches

A skein of geese in V shape flying

I am slowly drifting away

Into oblivion

© KH