The shadows were creeping up slowly in the room where I was
sitting in my chair. I don’t think I had moved an inch since I had sat down
that afternoon. I just sat there unaware of the birds chirping in the hedge in
the garden, the pigeons asking for attention on the other side of the garden
wanting me to feed them. I didn’t hear the postman ring my doorbell or the
neighbour taking the package for me instead.
I was alone with my thoughts, I felt alone, in despair even. I couldn’t think,
feel, hear, move but only sit there in my chair, in my living room. I couldn’t
do anything other than just sit there and exist. I didn’t know who long I sat
there. All I know is that I felt a tear roll down my cheek and my hand moving
toward my cheek to wipe it away. By then the room had gone dark and the sounds
outside had silenced. My stomach rumbled but I couldn’t give in.
How simple life was before all this, I thought. One doesn’t
think about life in general when you’re going through everyday life, doing
everyday things. One takes even the littlest of things for granted when you don’t
have to think about tougher things ahead. You normally don’t think about things
getting different, or that things can go wrong or worse, change so much that
your whole life is upside down. I didn’t, not until a day ago that is. I had a
job, a loving husband and we were even planning on starting our own family.
Until…
I got up from my chair and started to pace up and down,
wearing the floorboards out. I had no idea of the time; I hadn’t been paying
much attention to that, until I heard the clock in the hallway chime 12 times.
Oh dear, past midnight. I quickly made myself a sandwich and a cup of tea before
I went upstairs to bed.
I was lying awake staring at the ceiling for just a little while until finally
my eyes became heavy and I must have fallen asleep.
The next morning I woke up startled not knowing where I was
or what had happened for a moment. I took a shower, went downstairs all ready
for work when I realised there was something not right. I already was on my way
back towards the staircase when the doorbell rang. My heart jumped in my chest.
I held onto the banister to catch my breath before I answered the door. Two
policemen stood in front of the door.
‘Good morning may we come in?’
I really must have looked like I was ready to faint; they
were inside before I had the chance to say anything. They took me to the living
room and sat me in my chair. One policeman came out of the kitchen with a glass
of water and handed it to me.
‘Are you alright ma’am?’
All I could do was nod as I took small sips of water. I
looked at them; could they see through me? Could they feel what was going through
my mind? Did they know? I raised my eyebrow and sighed.
‘I’m so sorry to have to tell you this’ they started.
My husband who was declared missing for weeks now, was still
missing and they had to stop the search because there were no more leads on his
whereabouts. Of course they would still keep trying but there would be not much
hope.
‘Can we call someone for you?’
I shook my head, no; I was okay, thank you. I would be,
somehow, sometime, if ever.
After they’d left I went back to my chair. That was it then,
I thought. Surely but slowly the tears came rolling down my cheeks. The
cheating bastard! How could he!? We had such plans him and me! Angrily I wiped
my tears away, I would never cry for him ever again!
I walked to the basement and opened the door. There he was hanging from the
beams; his hands tied.
I stood in front of him and took his wallet again where he’d kept a picture of
not only me but of his secretary as well. She wasn’t even pretty. She had mousy
greyish brown hair and thin lips. She wasn’t even thin or big breasted or
something vulgar like that which men always seem to enjoy.
I put on some latex gloves and poured water over his head to wake him. I had
taped his mouth and tied his hands to the beams above his head. He sat on a
stool and I kicked it away. He looked at me with big scared eyes.
‘Well husband’ I said to him in a sarcastic tone ‘now you’ve
done it. The police were just here. They have given up on you’
He shook his head and tried to speak.
‘Don’t bother’ I told him ‘After I confronted you with your
affair you begged me not to do anything until you came home; you would make
everything alright again. When I didn’t hear anything I called you over and
over again and when I started to look for you where did I find you? With her! This
is your own fault, Thomas. So… what am I going to do with you now?’
‘Mmmmm’ he tried to scream.
All the anger and the hate that had built up inside came out
and I directed it all towards him. I punched him in the face and he immediately
got a bloody nose.
How could they have treated me like that! How could he have treated me like
that! We were going to have kids. He was my soulmate.
I looked at him and all of a sudden I hated the woman I had become; the woman
they had made of me. I put the stool back under him and walked away back
upstairs. What was I doing? Who was I? I couldn’t let him go now, he’d run
straight to the police. We would never have a normal marriage again; I could
never trust him ever again.
I walked up and down wearing the floorboards out again when suddenly I realised
the solution was right under my feet the whole time.
A few months later the police came again with an update. (Still
no news) I invited them in and made some tea. One of the policemen came into
the kitchen to help and when he walked over the floorboards it squeaked.
‘You must have someone take a look at that’ he said.
I smiled at him ‘Oh it’s such an old wooden floor. I’m sure
it’s okay, my husband put his life into this floor you know, and I wouldn’t
want anything to happen to it’
© KH
