“I don’t feel like myself anymore” I said with a sigh.
“What do you mean by that?” he looked over his paper whilst drafting a report, about
me no doubt.
“I don’t think I have to explain that to a psychologist” I snapped.
He frowned which made him even more appealing “You are here for a reason,
Abigail. One would think you’d want to get better”
I looked at him with my most disdained looking face. At least I thought it was.
What did he think he was? I wasn’t here of my own choosing and he knew that!
“Perhaps we should end our session for today” he concluded “We have a group
session later this afternoon, maybe you will be more cooperative there?”
He even sounded hopeful, the poor guy.
I nodded, sure if I ever wanted to get out of here I should cooperate.
I wasn’t an idiot even though I was put in a mental hospital.
I left Dr Strange’s office (as I secretly called him because
of his goatee) and went to the general living room. Why had I ever agreed to
let myself be admitted here, I was thinking as I was watching the people who
were already there. It was an odd bunch, some claimed to be crazy to avoid
prison, some were quite bonkers! And then there were the people who were asked
to be examined, before a trial, to see if they were of sound mind when they committed
their crime. I belonged to that last category.
---
“Well, who wants to go first” Dr Strange said with a smile on
his face. “Come on, don’t be shy, we are all here for the same reason, to better
ourselves”
“Why don’t you go first then” some pale faced yellow teeth girl said. Everyone
started giggling.
“Well, Amy, that’s a nice thought” Dr Strange said with a straight face “but it’s
not what we’re here for, now is it, so why don’t you start?”
Amy went from pale faced yellow teethed to pouting Amy as she was muttering
that it wasn’t meant as such. But she started talking anyway.
I did my best not to look at Dr Strange. I didn’t want to talk, not just yet. I
needed to plan my strategy first. Amy was whining about things not being fair
in her life or whatever. Well, life isn’t fair. Deal with it. Amy was someone I
didn’t like from the start, but I didn’t count her out just yet, perhaps I
could use her later. I pretended to be very interested in the other women’s
stories. I tried to listen to them, I did really! But my mind was wandering,
trying to find ways to get the hell out of here.
“Abigail, it’s your turn” I suddenly heard Dr Strange say with his annoying
smile.
I turned to look at him and said nothing, I just stared at him.
“You have to talk at some point” he said.
“I know but I’m not ready, not yet” I said trying to look at him with my most seductive
look. It always helped with other men, so why not with him? I could always try.
“Hm” he cleared his throat “right then, I let you off the hook for once, but
next session it is your turn, alright?”
“Okay” I whispered softly turning my eyes to the floor.
After the group session was over Susan, my room mate, came over
to me.
“What the hell was all that?” she shouted almost.
“It worked didn’t it?”
“You won’t get away with it the next time”
“I know I have to figure something out for next time”
“What on earth have you done that he can’t know about? Isn’t it known already?
Didn’t the police give your records to him?”
“Perhaps, but even they don’t know everything”
I saw Susan looking at me as if she didn’t believe me but oh if she only knew!
If they all knew! Especially Dr Strange, if he knew…
---
When I woke up, I felt it, this would be the day. This would be
the day it would happen. I had the one on one session at ten and I would tell him
all. He wouldn’t believe me of course, no one would. I grinned at the prospect
of this day. I went to have breakfast, listened to the other women but it didn’t
really reach me what they were talking about. I was deep in my own thoughts.
When it was time for my session, I walked to Dr Strange’s office with the same
calm state of mind as back then. I had no doubt in my mind that everything
would be okay. I went into the office and Dr Strange sat there in his chair. He
looked up when I walked in and smiled at me.
“Good morning Abigail, please have a seat” he said pointing at
the chair facing him.
I sat in the comfy chair and looked if he had his recorder on and waited for
him to start.
“Good” he said, “let’s see where we left things off last time” He went through
his papers “Oh right, last time you were saying you didn’t feel like yourself anymore,
but you didn’t clarify. Would you like to now?”
“Yes, I would, thank you Tom”
“What?” he looked at me and I could see the shock in his face.
“I said that I would like to clarify”
“Oh, erm I thought I heard something else, please continue”
“Of course, but can I first ask you a question and if you can will you answer
it honestly?” I asked as polite as I could. I knew my tone of voice was
completely different from the last couple of weeks since I’ve been here, and it
had thrown him off.
“Erm it is highly irregular but if it is not to personal…”
“Tom” I said softly putting my hand on his knee “Haven’t you recognized me at
all? Haven’t you missed me?”
“What?” there it was, the look in his eyes, the shock, and the sudden recognition.
I had to be quick now.
“I said I would explain; well you have read my police record I presume?” I
paused for effect “You have read that I have murdered an elderly couple for
their money, but what you haven’t read is that I was pregnant at the time” Pause.
“My then psychologist had seduced me which of course was highly frowned upon
and I let him because he was a charmer that one” Another pause for effect “He
begged me not to tell because he would be fired, well beg is not the word” I
said while pretending to think “Threaten is the word, yes he threatened me not
to tell, even when I told him I was with child, he told me to just get rid of
it. Can you believe that, Tom? Who would do that? Can you imagine that? Such a
wonderful, charming psychologist who takes advantage of women. I have been sitting
there in his waiting room to try to talk to him, but he has done this with more
women I can count! I don’t think all of them were pregnant though, but he
turned out to be such a horrible person! So, when I tried to talk about it, he
disappeared into thin air. Poof! I was desperate and found where his parents
lived. They invited me in, listened to my story and his dad wanted to pay me a
huge sum of money, but, and there’s a big but, I had to give them my child after
it was born. He gave me some money in advance. Not a single word about their
son, that it in fact was rape, taking advantage of a patient. Not sorry for our
son, nothing like that. His dad gave me money, I said I needed to go to the toilet,
and I went to the kitchen. I took a butcher knife and slid his mother’s throat.
The dad came in, saw what I did and when I wanted to kill him with the knife,
he kicked me in the stomach. The boy, it was a boy Tom, died instantly. I stabbed
the dad a hundred times I think, bleeding myself, crying because of the dead
child I at first didn’t even want but now was kicked to death by his
grandfather” I felt a tear slid down my cheek. I knew I had to finish it and be
quick about it.
“You see, Tom, I knew I shouldn’t have done what I’ve done. But you started it
all, you have done things with me that you shouldn’t have. I’ve seen girls here
that I know for a fact, by sitting in your waiting room, you have hurt as well.
You are not a good person Tom. But I am going to prison, because I killed your
parents who defended their horrible son and who wanted to take my son away from
me and turn him into a monster as well. Who would have believed me? No one, I
am alone and now, Tom, you are too. And that is what I meant with that I am not
myself anymore, you have changed all that. Thanks to you I am here where I am
today”
I stood up looking up at the shock still on his face. The
recorder on the side table still recording.
“You killed my parents…” he whispered “it was you”
“Oh get over yourself” I said “you didn’t even recognize me! How many women have
you victimized? Well? How many? If you didn’t even recognize me!”
During the conversation his face had turned from angry-red to purple and pale
after he heard about his parents.
“My parents were all I had” he lowered his voice to a sinister tone.
“Yes well, we all have lost something we cared about, but I have to go to prison
for it, so it seems”
“You… you are a despicable woman!” Dr Tom Sharp, his actual name, stood up and put his hands around my throat.
“Help” I squealed. He was much stronger than I was, and I was kicking to try to
get his hands away from me.
He pushed me against his desk with his hands still on my throat. My hands were
searching frantically around his desk when they suddenly found what I was looking
for. I lunged forward stabbing him in his eye with a letter opener. Immediately
he let go of my throat and I could breathe again.
While he cried out in pain, I tried catching my breath and grabbed the recorder
which was still recording and ran out of the office.
“Help” I cried when I ran away “Please help me! He tried to kill me!” I knew
very well the marks on my throat were very visible. People were running towards
me. “Oh my god what happened?” they said. Someone started screaming when Tom
Sharp came running out of his office, the letter opener still in his eye.
---
Sipping my cup of tea in my own flat, on my own sofa, who
would have thought that I would ever be here again after all that had happened.
After the judge had heard the tape on the recorder I saved they were convinced
that I had a nervous breakdown at the time, that I have had enough time in the
mental hospital and that after what Tom had done to me that I could go home.
Tom however wasn’t that lucky; more women came forward and he is the one doing
time in prison for a very long time. I can’t help but smile at the very
thought. Such a handsome man, what will they do to him there?
© KH
